JAGUAR SALES DOWN 98% AFTER WOKE RELAUNCH!
MARKETING DIRCTOR GEOFF IN THE FIRING LINE...
Hello, Geoff?
Bill Cheddar here again…elusive chappie this week Geoff, eh?…not returning my calls…can you give a heads up for year-on-year Jaguar sales…sure, sure, sure, provisional…like for like… adjusted for Sterling…Trump tariffs…Iran…Reeves in tears…July’s always slow…heat doesn’t help…constant battery fires in airports…transitional process…LGBT award for rainbow relaunch…popular with Gen Z…
(Long pause…sound of whisky bottle being drained at Geoff’s end).
Dropped 2%! Pheewwwwwww….Stan Gill won’t like that Geoff, no comprendez, quel dommage…not after mockery at the 19th from chums in Pringle sweaters about the trans-models in advert…bloke on left looks like Josef Fritzl…pink-purple milk-floats for cars…HOLY DOG SHIT…you’ve got a revised figure…praise the Lord for that…sorry?…I must have misheard… 2%…OF PREVIOUS SALES????!!!!!!!!!
HOW IN THE NAME OF ARSE CAN WE EXPLAIN THAT…no Geoff…STEADY GEOFF, STEADY….ahhhhhhAAAA…..claim we’re cutting emissions by 98%…I like the cut of your jib, Geoff…Autumn relaunch…yes…Asian markets booming…North Korea for growth…Thumbs up from Ed Miliband…
Hilarious. Brilliantly scripted.
Even the most devious industrial espionage / sabotage operation could hardly hope to deliver a result like this.