Like many rattly old puffins, I’ve been stunned to discover that a retailer called Amazon - plying their trade on the World Wide Web - sells knives ‘online’, to any Tom, Dick or Ahmed. For those not up to speed, this so-called corner shop also specializes in best selling books, inflatable women and ‘compact discs’, all available unchecked, to any young shaver.
Apparently, long-gone are the days when youths resorted to buying flick-knives on a school trip to Calais, enriching a garlicky Frenchman who then offered up pictures of Parisian ladies in suspenders. Is it any wonder that - given these temptations - former choirboys indulge in orgies of violence, rather than watching Dr Who on the television?
On a related point, does anyone know if youths today can purchase alcohol and even drugs, in England? I believe this is rare yet there are worrying reports that some chaps are bunking off after-school footer and puffing away behind the bicycle sheds. That sort of delinquency soon graduates into hanging around snooker halls or listening to the 45 rpm records of a Mr Elvis Presley.
Thankfully, our ever vigilant government has now vowed to make purchasing ‘blades’ a two-step process - and buyers will need to prove that they’re over 18.
Bold indeed would be the potential maniac, who’d fib about such a thing. If there's one thing we know about Islamist killers, they're rule followers - absolute sticklers for it. Many have been put off ramming cars into market crowds, on learning that's not how a considerate driver behaves.
In fact, the much-maligned Prevent wallahs have managed to convert many a putative Jihadist into a jolly ‘lollypop operative’, placing them outside local schools, to the delight and relief of our brutish indigenous Gammons.
Easy to sneer at, but we need more of that spirit in today’s diverse yet safe country. Indeed, one wonders why icebergs weren’t banned - and action taken against the North Pole - after the Titanic’s appalling experiences in 1912.
It's a sorry state of affairs as well when a perfectly respectable Rwandan couple flee their country after indulging in a spot of mass slaughter and discover that the good burghers of Wales don't use kitchen knives. Obviously, this is why this choirboy had to resort to online shopping and clearly, looking at his angelic little face, he would have desisted if such a shopping experience required him to prove his age. Because I doubt his father left any forms of acceptable ID lying around in the knife-bereft home. Still, Mrs Balls is on the job, making sure we bookbinders (for such am I) will have to prove our dotage before buying specialist paring knives from specialist suppliers. Or is she just going after Amazon? That would be fine because, as a person who doesn't use it, I can tell you there is always an alternative supplier.
I applaud the government's recent announcement, but feel obliged to raise a warning that we might have embarked upon a slippery slope here.
We chemistry hobbyists already have enough difficulty in sourcing the raw materials for making ricin. We don't want a popular back-bedroom challenge made any more difficult by the imposition of further rules.