CAMBRIDGE: AN HONEST REVIEW

Further to the bizarre post, on St Catharine’s College obsessions, I’m back from my one night stay there and blitz of other colleges - well, those I could get into, at a sane price.

No way I’d pay more than a tenner. Which ruled out the over-rated King’s (£17, for in effect the chapel). Trinity is £5 but only on a guided tour, maximum 10 people per day. They have a viewing site for their impressive but cavernous and unlikable Great Court.

I’m of the age when I don’t care how ‘beautiful and stunning’ I’m told buildings are; I go for my gut feelings and emotional response. And I don’t like either King’s or Trinity. St John’s is a different story (see later).

Immediate impressions of the city, in toto. So much more dominated by the university and - out of term - by tourists. Especially troops of language students, marauding the area around the ‘big three’ of St John’s, Trinity and King’s.

Despite being more rural, it’s not as cosy or intimate feeling a place, more serious, less domestic and quirky. It lacks the packed medieval intricacy of Oxford’s core. Above all, that Rome-like sense of sudden surprise which Oxford randomly springs. For example, Radcliffe Camera seen from Brasenose Lane, or Tom Tower soaring above the tat of Cornmarket. Cambridge is Paris: polished and initially more attractive but lacking the soul and depth of its rival. Obviously there’s a huge amount of my history and mental landscaping intruding here!

But the urban space is decidedly unimpressive, without that feeling of a mini-capital city Oxford exudes - warts and all. In fact, as a ‘city’ Cambridge doesn’t really exist, just identikit suburbs outside a superb core spread over two or three streets.

No one could say that of Oxford. Whatever you feel about Botley, Cowley, Headington or Summertown, they’re all very individual.

Still…the Backs are just completely incomparable, especially around St John’s and Trinity Hall. I’m less interested in the famous view of King’s Chapel and Clare College (anyway completely scaffolded and inaccessible). It’s beautiful but also a tad dull. Partly through over-familiarity, also because Cambridge is often immediate in impact, compared with Oxford. The views aren’t ones I’d look at repeatedly.

These are the colleges I toured, in order of visiting, with my utterly subjective feelings and without any blather about architecture or history:

Pembroke

Undistinctive but attractive and excellent for a wander. Felt disjointed but would grow on one, especially the gardens.

St Catharine’s

Oddly relaxing from having just one (open) court; not much to see. Yet no other Oxbridge college looks remotely like it. The closest is one part of St Peter’s, Oxford; and SPC is an unexpectedly attractive dog’s dinner, a mess that somehow works:

Great to stay at St Catz, and I wandered everywhere, inside and out, even sat in their SCR to drink coffee.

The hall is a brilliant modern take, integrated into the older buildings:

Overall, an atmospheric and slightly eerie place, especially when the lamp-lights are on in the main court.

The college has the unfinished and slightly down-at-heels feeling I like. No gardens at all, which adds to that sensation.

My room was seedy and stifling but had a nice view over the top of Corpus’ Old Court. Ramshackle corridors in the old Bull hotel annexe, radiators blasting out heat on a 90 degree July day!

Both taps in the garret ran tepid water.

Jesus

Incredible - the most unexpected hit. Like a stately home, with vast grounds and intricate buildings. I usually dislike red-brick structures but the photos don’t do them justice - the monastic feel.

It’s twinned with Jesus, Oxford, and they’re excellent foils to each other, since my college has no gardens and is tiny in comparison yet equally successful in effect:

Magdalene

One of the real beauties, and so coherent in feel and appeal. Perhaps my favourite. Small but every part is just right. Modest and beguiling.

St John’s

I blagged my way in for half-price, on the basis that one of my Jesus tutors - Tony Downs - studied there, and I now worked as an Oxford tour-guide! Charming chaps on the gate found this an hilarious ploy and knew loads about John’s.

Easily the most beautiful Cambridge college and close to the top for all of Oxbridge. My other marvellous tutor - Mike Pilling - studied at Churchill but I wanted to visit only the ‘old colleges’. And it seems Churchill is as marmite as Oxford’s Keble or St Catherine’s.

St John’s famed Second Court is sublime, everything fits perfectly around this; Bridge of Sighs and New Court follow on, like a dream.

St John’s balances grandeur with likability and interest. Although it’s completely different in look, this is what Magdalen, Oxford also achieves. Ditto for Worcester College.

Corpus Christi

I got a free guide-book for my blagging, from a nice old dear. Stunning Old Court and a rather sinister college, fitting perfectly with its Christopher Marlowe associations.

Another writer I revere - John Cowper Powys - went here and it fits with his oddities; the whole place has a weird vibe, added to by their horrible but now famous ‘Corpus clock’.

Emmanuel

Felt very boring. Large but uninteresting - like a huge pasta dish one regrets ordering but ploughs through.

Downing

Ditto, but more like wading through a vast salad with only ‘salad cream’ to add taste.

Lacks any feel of an Oxbridge college, more like some American campus, or Stowe School. No clear sense of identity but good to wander around, wilting in the heat. Boring neo-classical buildings, stretching on for ever.

I went back for half of Coriolanus, in the evening, to try and escape the heat. As ever with open-air Shakespeare, glad I made it to half time! Rushed over to the Eagle (Cambridge’s only decent pub) for a pint, to recover. Great spot but overly-touristy, which intrudes more than at the Turf or King’s Arms.

Peterhouse

Amazing hall - I can’t imagine eating there though. Felt like Tom Sharpe’s famous spoof Porterhouse Blue. I didn’t ‘like’ Peterhouse but it’s intensely atmospheric, if chilly in feel: I can imagine freezing to death in the place, hallucinating images of Michael Portillo (a ‘Petrean’) in pistachio blazer and red corduroy trousers.

Trinity Hall

Eccentric and very ‘un-Cambridge’ like - should be in Oxford. Wonderful intricacy and river views. Reminds me of Teddy Hall:

Queens’

I didn’t really like Queens’. Somehow it appears to face the wrong way. Amazing buildings but depressing in overall effect. Both claustrophobic and seemingly endless, giving an itchy feeling to a place that doesn’t flow, or even breathe.

There’s a famous old hall which looks horrible, the ceiling plastered in some fearsome skin disease. Or like an opium nightmare, from a Jack the Ripper melodrama involving the Masons:

I expect I’m probably the only person ever to have disliked this college, which somehow set my teeth on edge. Makes complete sense that Stephen Fry and Emily Maitlis attended! A perfect fit, for those meretricious berks.

To end, images of its near namesake at Oxford. I know nothing about architecture, only what I see. But aren’t these just obviously nicer, with a sense of freedom and air?